The Lone Ranger Review

Hollywood physics are at play again as this epic summer of blockbusters reaches its midpoint. And, while certain films were able to rise to the box office stratosphere (“Iron Man 3,” “Man of Steel,” “ Fast & Furious 6”), others were destined to experience la bajada or fall to Earth, namely “The Lone Ranger.”

From a marketing standpoint, the reteaming of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” dream team (Johnny Depp, director Gore Verbinski, producer Jerry Bruckheimer) is positively synonymous with “cash cow”. Yet after witnessing this endless, disjointed and joyless epic, you will wonder why no one took a silver bullet to the entire enterprise in the first place.

Taking a page of American iconography and reinventing it for the 21st century can be an exhilarating experience when done right, as evidenced by The Dark Knight trilogy and “Man of Steel”. But something here never gels the way it should, squandering some effective casting in the process.

This “Ranger” is resurrected as an origins tale that first introduces Tonto (Depp, in full self parody mode), who tells the tale of the Lone Ranger to a fellow train passenger in flashbacks. The legend of John Reid (Armie Hammer) begins when he returns home to Colby, Texas as an idealistic young man who wants to tame the Wild West. His chance meeting with Tonto proves the catalyst that turns him into a masked man of justice. In between is a colorful array of exploits and explosions that dares to balance the grand with the jokey with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer and no thought to a coherent plot.

Bad enough that it apes a desert full of western clichés, Verbinski and his team’s inability to make the genre feel relevant to today’s audiences is a crying shame. After witnessing how great CGI can be in superhero films and what talented stuntmen can do with fast and furious cars, the set pieces that were afforded to the redefining the West of “Lone Ranger” are certainly bombastic enough. Yet they lack real awe or wonder. And the awkward humor only makes the over-the-top stunt pieces and sinister villainy seem that much more out of place. The only time the film truly fires all six rounds is in the final act, where it finally honors its DNA and the adventure offers a swift breath of excitement.

The real disappointment is how the Lone Ranger himself is positively diminished by the decision to shift the focus to Tonto. No offense to Depp, who mails an uninspired performance in by Pony Express, but the charming and dashing Hammer was more than able to fill these legendary boots. With so much at stake to create a new franchise, why validate the risk by not only presenting a film that begs the question, “Who is this film about?” Even worse, why not take the entire task seriously so people aren’t left with this thought: “Who was it for?”

“Native American spirit warrior Tonto (Johnny Depp) recounts the untold tales that transformed John Reid (Armie Hammer), a man of the law, into a legend of justice. Taking the audience on a runaway train of epic surprises and humorous friction as the two unlikely heroes must learn to work together and fight against greed and corruption.”

The Lone Ranger opens in theaters today July the 3rd.